the evils of pride

It was a sad thing to discover that my name had been removed from the list of links on someone else's blog (actually, more than one person has removed me). The strange thing about it is, I don't really care at all that I was removed because I don't necessarily want the person/s to continue reading my blog (as I haven't read his/hers for quite some time now), but it's the whole issue of, "Man, I can't believe that s/he decided to erase me from his/her list. Oh well..." The feeling is similar to hearing a student saying, "So and so says you're his/her least favorite teacher." (yeah, kids are brutal and they'll tell me everything) My private thoughts always are, "Man, what did I ever do to him/her? I can't believe s/he is talking badly about me." But then I always land on, "Well, whatever, s/he is pretty much on my list of Least Favorite Students, so why do I care?" It's the whole pride thing. Also, there's the issue of finding out the person you dated has begun seeing someone else. I clearly recognize that Joe was/is not "the one" (although, I'm not of the opinion that there is ONLY one person out there for me...I more subscribe to the idea that love is not a fireworks and violins feeling (although, certainly it can be), but more importantly, it's a decision...that's not to say that physical attraction doesn't play a role or that there are certain things on "a list" that should be met), it stlil pained me to find out that Joe had started "seeing" someone else. We, for the most part, have been successful in the "remaining friends" phase (that honestly, most couples who break up pretend to be, but never really master) and I can truly say that I just want good things for him...but yeah, I'd be lying if I said it makes me super happy to know that he's completely over me and dating other people. On one hand, I'm happy for him, but on the other, I feel the sting of pride! Pride is pretty up there on the list of things that I wish I never felt.

Pride
Disappointment (because there is NOTHING that you can do for the sting of disappointment)
Grief (either personal grief or the grief someone else who is so close to you feels)
When I disappoint someone else (I hate feeling like I let someone down...I can hardly stand it)

I can deal with a slew of other terrible feelings rather well...lonliness is really no problem. Sure, it stinks, but it's bearable. Rejection? I've got that one covered. Mostly, it helps me to know that even Jesus was rejected, but he eventually got what he deserved, so I really shouldn't be bothered. I've come to handle embarassment really well. With being as clumsy as I am, I've been in many embarassing situations...so, I'm a pro. Anger...I'm not that much of an angry person. I get angry sometimes, but I don't go crazy. Sure, I've written a few refferals in my day, but no where near the amount that I should have. I can usually let things roll off my back pretty easily unless I feel that I've been really wronged (or most recently, someone I love has been wronged).

Anyway, I have had my life hidden in Christ for many years...but the process of becoming Christ like is difficult. And, it's silly the things that will happen that will point out how far from being like Christ I really am. For instance, the prideful sting I felt when I noticed my name removed for someone's blog. Petty, I know. But, I'm human. And, it's a daily struggle that I fall short of time and time again. To quote Danielle (somewhat out of context), "...but I stand on grace."