on recent purchases....

Maybe it's because I feel like I've recently come into some extra cash that has nudged me into loosening up the ole' purse strings as of late (by coming into extra cash I'm referring to getting double paychecks because of summer school). Now, should I be stowing extra money away to maybe pay for my massive car repairs that I'm in need of? Should I buy myself the long coveted iPod? Should I completely pay off my American Express? The answer to all of these questions is a resounding YES. But, instead, I have done the following:

*purchased Clarissa Explains it All and Mary Poppins (and got Mansfield Park for free since it's still the buy 2 DVDs, get the 3rd for free deal)
*purchased for myself Garden State
*bought myself a new outfit complete with accessories (which include a cute polka dotted scarf that doubles for a belt and a pair of dangly earrings!! Before this pair, I haven't had a pair of dangly earrings since high school)
*bought myself some much needed gym clothes and now I can't wait to go to the gym (I like the effect these purchases will have on working out...I will be even more motivated than before)

But, alas, I'm pulling the strings tight again and I'm not going to buy the iPod, fix my car, or pay off my American Express. Instead, I am going to save the extra money...not for a rainy day, but for a very specific purpose that I will reveal to you all in due time :). I hope I've piqued your interest!!

Garden State --
A worth while purchase. I really adore Zach Braff, but wish he didn't feel the need to use bad language. He is, in spite of his potty mouth, a brilliant guy. I love watching movies with the commentaries to find out little known facts. I like an iside look and I liked getting it from Zach and Natalie. The making of movies is really fascinating.

Mansfield Park --
I fell in love with this movie the first time I saw it. My mom, her best friend, and I drove to Orlando in search of this movie (as it didn't come to our stupid town) and finally found it at some obscure dine in theatre. I knew it was something special when I first saw it and two weeks after my first viewing, I was actually in Austen's country myself reading the very novel that the movie was based on. Well, I owned the VHS tape, but not the DVD with commentary! So, I was happy to add this one to my small (but as of late, increasing) DVD library. Listening to the commentary had the added bonus of kind of being in a class about Austen. The writer/director is very knowledgeable and it was neat to learn facts about Jane that I had never heard or read before.

HOT DIGGITY DOG

Is it a coincidence that I've been immersing myself in Andy P's music as of late? In a post from last night I mentioned him in my "10 bands right now" list. I realized after I posted that I kind of didn't explain myself too well in the parenthetical notation by Andy's name, but it was too late and I didn't want to go back and edit. What I meant is, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Andy (yes, Chris, I know he's taken...not LOVE in THAT way), but sometimes I forget I love him so much. His cds will stay tucked away in some cd case until I'll go looking specifically for one or until I'll come upon one on a search for somethng else. However, since I compiled my list of 100 great songs, I've been on an Andy kick. During the last week, I've been listening to his Christmas cd, Behold the Lamb of God, a lot! It's so good.

I used to be obsessive about checking my favorite musicians' websites. Now, though, I'll go a few months before I stumble back on their websites. I like to space my visits out because that way, when I return, I'll have a greater chance of finding something new...like I did today on Andy's site! HE HAS A NEW CD COMING OUT IN 10 WEEKS AND AND AND AND....his Christmas show is coming out on DVD. This news is MUSIC to my ears! Just thought I'd share.

the evils of pride

It was a sad thing to discover that my name had been removed from the list of links on someone else's blog (actually, more than one person has removed me). The strange thing about it is, I don't really care at all that I was removed because I don't necessarily want the person/s to continue reading my blog (as I haven't read his/hers for quite some time now), but it's the whole issue of, "Man, I can't believe that s/he decided to erase me from his/her list. Oh well..." The feeling is similar to hearing a student saying, "So and so says you're his/her least favorite teacher." (yeah, kids are brutal and they'll tell me everything) My private thoughts always are, "Man, what did I ever do to him/her? I can't believe s/he is talking badly about me." But then I always land on, "Well, whatever, s/he is pretty much on my list of Least Favorite Students, so why do I care?" It's the whole pride thing. Also, there's the issue of finding out the person you dated has begun seeing someone else. I clearly recognize that Joe was/is not "the one" (although, I'm not of the opinion that there is ONLY one person out there for me...I more subscribe to the idea that love is not a fireworks and violins feeling (although, certainly it can be), but more importantly, it's a decision...that's not to say that physical attraction doesn't play a role or that there are certain things on "a list" that should be met), it stlil pained me to find out that Joe had started "seeing" someone else. We, for the most part, have been successful in the "remaining friends" phase (that honestly, most couples who break up pretend to be, but never really master) and I can truly say that I just want good things for him...but yeah, I'd be lying if I said it makes me super happy to know that he's completely over me and dating other people. On one hand, I'm happy for him, but on the other, I feel the sting of pride! Pride is pretty up there on the list of things that I wish I never felt.

Pride
Disappointment (because there is NOTHING that you can do for the sting of disappointment)
Grief (either personal grief or the grief someone else who is so close to you feels)
When I disappoint someone else (I hate feeling like I let someone down...I can hardly stand it)

I can deal with a slew of other terrible feelings rather well...lonliness is really no problem. Sure, it stinks, but it's bearable. Rejection? I've got that one covered. Mostly, it helps me to know that even Jesus was rejected, but he eventually got what he deserved, so I really shouldn't be bothered. I've come to handle embarassment really well. With being as clumsy as I am, I've been in many embarassing situations...so, I'm a pro. Anger...I'm not that much of an angry person. I get angry sometimes, but I don't go crazy. Sure, I've written a few refferals in my day, but no where near the amount that I should have. I can usually let things roll off my back pretty easily unless I feel that I've been really wronged (or most recently, someone I love has been wronged).

Anyway, I have had my life hidden in Christ for many years...but the process of becoming Christ like is difficult. And, it's silly the things that will happen that will point out how far from being like Christ I really am. For instance, the prideful sting I felt when I noticed my name removed for someone's blog. Petty, I know. But, I'm human. And, it's a daily struggle that I fall short of time and time again. To quote Danielle (somewhat out of context), "...but I stand on grace."

I miss you, blogger.

On some days, I wish I never left blogger for livejournal. Sure, the friends feature is nice on livejournal, but blogger has SO many other features that are far superior to the good ol' blog. And, my school's filter "Web Sense" blocks out livejournal but not blogger, so during my breaks on summer school, I really wish that I could revisit last summer and post from school. But, I suppose it's a good thing I can't update my livejournal from school because I'm not getting paid to do so, am I? So, as much as I'd like to keep up the blog, it just isn't happening. If you've found my site, just mosey on over to my livejournal.